


if i was on fire (would you watch me burn)

by vnjc



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, M/M, dubious coping mechanisms, sasuke and itachi’s messed up relationship that deserves a tag of its own, sns said fuck slow burn we are gay and we are going to do something about it, team taka as actual friends, unreliable narrator or inconsistent writing? read to find out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-09-29 11:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20435582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vnjc/pseuds/vnjc
Summary: Design had been his life for years and his parents’ deaths took it away, leaving only the disappointed look in Itachi’s eyes and the glowing red at the end of a cigarette.Grieving his parents’ deaths in an accident and stuck in a creative rut, fashion designer Sasuke Uchiha finds an unlikely muse in the industry’s newest sweetheart, model Naruto Uzumaki.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. this is all thanks to cash [@naruting's](https://naruting.tumblr.com) [**drawings of model naruto and designer sasuke**](https://naruting.tumblr.com/post/185877054868/been-thinking-about-this-for-years-and-can-never) (but you should check the entire #fashion au tag  
2\. i hope i can actually finish this. imagine writing 4k of a sns fic and not even including naruto  
3\. tw for alcohol use, smoking, some swearing? i dont remember. you think i read what i write?  
4\. big shout out to everyone whom i spammed with this when writing it. if you know you know and youre a real one  
5\. this was saved as fashun luv xx for the longest time so kudos to dani for helping me settle on a normal title

Sasuke lets his cigarette burn for a long time between his first and second drag. It’s a bad night and Itachi staring at him like he’s damaged goods doesn’t help him any. The cold is seeping in and making a place for itself right between his bones, a prominent ache radiating from his joints. Of course there are no stars. 

“If you can’t deal with this alone, seek help,” Itachi says like he’s been practicing, the picture-perfect face of grief and concern for his little brother. Sasuke wants to flick ash from his cigarette at him, but instead decides to fantasise about pressing it right in the middle of Itachi’s unmarred forehead, finally some revenge at the stupid poke he had to endure throughout his childhood. He wants to scream and throw his ashtray at Itachi’s feet. 

“What would I do without you,” he replies, forcing his body to go perfectly still against the rage building up inside of him. Sasuke takes a long drag and holds the smoke in for as long as he can just to feel his lungs burning. He’s been chasing the thrill of his first cigarette for years now, the light-headedness. He’ll always remember how he threw his head back and laughed when he almost fell out of the balcony, his cousin Obito’s arm on his back holding him up, the blinding lights and the never ending roar of New York beneath them. Sasuke wouldn’t have it any other way. “Stop worrying about me.” The thing about his brother that makes Sasuke want to claw his face off is how _ collected _ he is no matter what. As a kid he hoped that if he was brilliant enough, talented enough, praised enough, there would be a day where he lived up to his brother’s expectations and was accepted by him somehow, acknowledged. Just like the fashion industry, however, Itachi’s attention couldn’t linger on anything for long, especially his brother. It’s fine, really. They’re both fine.

Itachi studies his face into a more concerned version of his previous expression, the one he showed the media at their parents’ funeral. Disturbed of course, grieving, but above all beautiful. His grief was beautiful and his dry-pressed black suit was beautiful and his sleek black sunglasses were beautiful. He barely said anything, in that practiced almost-soft, almost-private voice that he usually reserved for one of his “I don’t mean to critique you, brother, but…” speeches. Sasuke was the unhinged one, tear-streaked cheeks, eyes dead and voice raw, nothing beautiful about him like this. The funeral passed in what felt like ten minutes, Itachi’s stiff shoulder against his in a gesture of solidarity everyone bought because it made for such a great story. The Uchiha brothers, tragically orphaned, prodigies, visionnaires, wearing all-black as always, standing side by side in the face of such a tragedy. Karin sent him the picture afterwards. It might as well have been in black and white, with the bare winter landscape as the background. It was so cold, and the cold hasn’t left him since. They looked unsettling, Itachi’s face perfectly still, beautiful, Sasuke’s more hostile, his jaw set, but in the end they were both just boys who’d lost their parents, with the dead look in their eyes that they shared with every orphan in the world. 

They’re fine, because there’s only so much time for receiving pity from the world and that time is now over. It doesn’t matter that Sasuke hasn’t pulled himself together, it’s simply expected of them to move on and keep on churning out collection after collection until they can choke on all their money. (Paying off Karin and Suigetsu’s college debts was like a grocery run.) Except Sasuke can’t be like Itachi and put his feelings in a neat little box to lock away and forget. He’s just as on edge as he was when he found out about the accident, minutes away from his show, making rounds, watching the makeup artists. The urge to scream and run hasn’t left him at all. There’s an unread text from Suigetsu on his phone, a thinly-veiled invitation that Sasuke’s tempted to accept just to set himself free from another miserable minute with his brother. 

“You haven’t been working on any projects, you’ve been partying a lot, not to mention the tattoo.” The tattoo gets Itachi riled up like nothing else. Sasuke has been taking sick pleasure in it ever since he stumbled into the house they’ve been sharing for the time being, reeking of vodka and with a bandaid on his neck. The house in itself had been a compromise, a show of solidarity on Itachi’s side, an act of concern for his unstable little brother. He peeled it off, staring his brother defiantly in the eyes, and Itachi’s shock and anger, a deep crack in his collected façade, made Sasuke feel alive for the first time since the news of the accident broke. It was like a knife twisting in his gut, but it was _ something _ and he was grateful for it. The tattoo itself is simple in design, a reminiscence of their family company’s logo surrounded by a jagged circle, as if it was burning. Sasuke knows how much Itachi hates it, so he runs his fingers through his hair in a faux-unintentional manner and makes sure to expose the tattoo slightly more. 

Sasuke sighs, content, watching Itachi’s shoulders tense just the slightest bit. He’s the only one who can read his brother now that Mikoto and Fugaku are gone, and he knows a victory when he sees one. “You mean that I have a life outside of work? Try it one day.” He stubs out the cigarette and stands up, ignoring the wave of nausea that suddenly comes over him. “I’m leaving.”

Itachi’s stare is impenetrable now, the cold mask back on. It always ends like this, Sasuke’s guilt and rage driving him out of Itachi’s sight, an itch under his skin, like he’s at a cliff’s edge. He’s an eager dog, even after everything, so starved of love he’ll beg for scraps if he doesn’t run. Itachi always lets him have the last word and Sasuke hates it. The familiar sound of his car’s engine soothes his nerves a little.

The route to Suigetsu’s apartment feels familiar, predictable, given how many times Sasuke’s taken it, angry or thrilled or barely hanging on. The two of them hit it off through Karin of all people, Karin who they pick a fight with at least once a week just for the sake of fighting. Karin was interning for Fugaku Uchiha at the time, all restless energy and the burning desire to make her degree worth that debt. In the end, she got neither the interview nor the sex from Sasuke, but she doesn’t hold it against him. (She says.) Karin and Suigetsu went to college together, but their lives post-graduation couldn’t be more different. Karin, a proud media and journalism major, is well on her way to become something of a PR spokeperson for the Uchiha while Suigetsu, an equally proud history major, works at a convenience store. He constantly complains about Karin’s accidental Instagram popularity all the time, half-serious, half-amused; _can’t believe _your _ugly face got famous, somebody should photograph _me_, I’m the real beauty here. _Suigetsu makes something of a point, with his pale hair, light eyes and a muscular body that Sasuke knows inside out by now. They’ve been friends with benefits basically ever since they met, and though it doesn’t mean that much to either of them, by now there’s a brand of comfort that only Suigetsu could give Sasuke. He’s handsome; they look good together. Karin managed to snap a photo of them napping together, Suigetsu’s head on Sasuke’s shoulder, the colour of their hair clashing just like the hoodies they wore, black and white. It must’ve been around four in the morning, the lights in Suigetsu’s apartment dimmed, the coffee table full of empty glasses. Juugo must’ve gone to sleep by then, too, because all that’s left of him in the photo is his jacket, abandoned on the couch. He was probably tired because most of the time their schedules didn’t line up and when they did, everyone was tired. Their get-togethers mostly consisted of drinking as much as possible as quickly as possible and falling asleep afterwards. Not that Sasuke complains. Juugo is another case altogether; him and Sasuke had gone to a preppy art college together. Sasuke was the prodigy of course, the pride of the school, and he hated every minute of it; a boring Bachelor’s in design simply because Itachi had gone to college and studied something _reasonable _like Business or Management or Being a Fucking Asshole, Sasuke couldn’t care less. But he wasn’t going to be worse than his brother, so he went to college. He pulled through it not expecting anything good to happen to him, but he got Juugo out of it. Juugo had fought tooth and nail to get in, constantly pissed at everyone and everything, and him and Sasuke just clicked. There was no other word to describe their quick and easy friendship, how it just made sense to hang out together. Juugo was on scholarship, a photography genius – he got an offer from National Geographic not long after graduation. Sasuke had been stuck in a creative rut of sorts, which didn’t go unnoticed by Itachi. Sasuke and Juugo were given no choice but to work together on a project neither seemed particularly interested in, but once they fought their respective issues out, they got along perfectly. Sasuke would trust Juugo with his life and thank him for it. Juugo was there with him when he got his tattoo, hammered beyond belief but with a clear vision in his head for once. Sasuke had sketched out the design, too, before he had his first official drink, but he needed the buzz to actually get on with it. Juugo didn’t ask, Sasuke didn’t need to say anything. 

Maybe Sasuke is growing too dependent on them, he considers. Of course that thought comes when he’s already pulling into the parking lot by Suigetsu’s apartment building. The first weeks after the accident Sasuke remembers in a hazy blur; leaning against Juugo’s shoulder with a barely muffled sob, Karin’s warm embrace in a rare moment of silence between them and Suigetsu holding his hair back when he could no longer stomach the alcohol or the guilt. They’ve been with him through it all, and Sasuke still hasn’t put himself back together. Embarrassing. As much as he hates to admit it, maybe Itachi made a point for the first time in his life. Not that Sasuke would say it out loud.

Suddenly overwhelmed, Sasuke turns the engine off and rests his head on the steering wheel. He once did that and accidentally blew the horn, scaring every cat in the neighbourhood and probably also the old lady who lived below Suigetsu. _ Breathe in, breathe out, _ he reminds himself just like he heard Karin mumble along with her meditation app once. That evening was really funny, Sasuke recalls, halfway through their fight about veganism and performative environmental activism, vaguely directed at Karin’s latest Instagram post, she just gave up on the argument, plucked in her headphones and started meditating. In a cab. At three in the morning. Suigetsu’s laughter echoed in Sasuke’s ears and for a moment he forgot he was hurting so badly. 

Sasuke’s phone rings; it’s Suigetsu. With a sigh, Sasuke picks up the call, making his way out of the car. “Open the door,” he says and hangs up. Thanks to the key Suigetsu gave him soon after their first hookup, Sasuke gets in the building without having to use the interphone and decides to use the stairs instead of the elevator, the pinnacle of health that he is. Of course Suigetsu is already standing in the doorway, hair frizzy, eyes tired despite the playful smile, one finger bandaged. “What happened?”, Sasuke asks in lieu of _ hello _, and Suigetsu lets out a snort. 

“Run-in with a knife. You wouldn’t know how it is, Mister Private Chef and Trust Fund,” Suigetsu replies. They’ve had years of bickering like this. Sasuke lets himself in and passes Suigetsu in the doorway, surprised for a moment at the clean state of the apartment. He’s seen it at its worse, boxes of Suigetsu’s stuff everywhere, a pile of dirty dishes in the kitchen and four years’ worth of textbooks and notes all over the bedroom, not to mention a lizard in the bathroom (an accident), but now it’s clean, even for regular standards. Sasuke makes himself comfortable in the living room, which in his definition means hogging most of the cushions and lying horizontally across the whole couch so that Suigetsu has to either agree to have Sasuke’s legs in his lap or take the ugly bean bag chair everyone but Karin despises. 

“You know I don’t have a chef. And that trust fund paid for your education, so choose your words carefully.” Suigetsu fixes them the fastest gin and tonic of his life in the kitchen and stares at Sasuke pointedly until he gracefully makes some space on the couch. 

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, so stop mentioning it. Ironic for someone so obsessed with swords to get taken down by a kitchen knife.”

“I was thinking the same thing!”, Suigetsu laughs, and the sound is just as similar as the clinking of their glasses. “Bled like a pig, pretty sure my shirt’s ruined.” The drink doesn’t really burn Sasuke’s throat anymore, which is both good and bad. He rubs at his tattoo absentmindedly, which Suigetsu clicks his tongue at. “Itachi again?”

Sasuke shrugs. “The usual. _ Get therapy, brother. Get back to work, brother. _Am I that obvious?”

“Nah, I just read you well. You always do that- touch the tattoo. And you reek of cigarettes.” Suigetsu may act like a moron most of the time, he’s perceptive, Sasuke has to give him that. He’s seen most of Sasuke by now, the ugly and the dirty; strangely enough, he stayed. They don’t question each other’s decisions, though, it’d be more ironic than the pot calling the kettle black - a vicious kid stuck in a never ending cycle of grief versus a history graduate with no prospects and a non-marketable yet expensive passion project. 

Suigetsu’s phone lights up with a notification from Karin; Sasuke knows because she has her own text tone so Suigetsu knows to ignore it most of the time. “Anyway, Karin’s coming over too,” Suigetsu adds when the silence between them borders on uncomfortable. Sasuke mumbles something under his nose but keeps his gaze fixed on the glass. It’s all a little too much, but he’d rather not be alone like this, either, still on edge from the fight with Itachi. If he could even call it a fight. They don’t really fight, it’s just Itachi being disappointed and just infinitely better at everything and Sasuke snapping and leaving. 

Sasuke tries hard - really, he makes an effort not to think about anything. He drinks a little more and asks Suigetsu about his coworkers because Suigetsu’s voice has always been good background noise. Suigetsu pours them another drink and by the time he starts to consider a third round, Karin’s voice echoes in the hallway. She lingers by the doorstep, talking on the phone, using a tone that’s between her pleasant how-may-I-help-you-sir one reserved for work and her cheery, snarky one reserved for friends. Sasuke can picture her easily, a strand of hair tucked away carefully, glasses clean but falling down the bridge of her nose. It’s her nervous tick to correct them, he knows, a little girl assessing her intelligence despite all she’s already accomplished. He’d never say that to her. She’s going to knock at the door soon, and either Sasuke or Suigetsu will have to open it for her. They eye each other; they’re evenly matched tonight, Sasuke’s weary eyes and the way he can hardly get more than a couple of words out and Suigetsu’s usual blank stare, a deep disappointment he’s learnt to wear well. Maybe they should both get the door. Maybe they should leave Karin hanging until she kicks down the door herself. It’s actually not a bad idea. 

Karin’s still talking on the phone, she hasn’t knocked yet, and a couple of things happen in quick succession. With one hand, Sasuke sets down his almost-empty glass and with the other he does the same to Suigetsu’s. He climbs across the couch, nearly straddles Suigetsu’s lap and presses their mouths together; it’s a sloppy, open-mouthed kind of kiss, with Suigetsu’s arms pressing to his sides hungrily. They always clicked well together and this is no exception. It feels exactly how it’s supposed to feel – a pleasant distraction. Suigetsu’s tongue presses against his own and a warm hand makes its way up his shirt. It doesn’t really taste like anything, nor do fireworks explode in Sasuke’s head, but the familiarity of it all drowns out the surroundings well enough. At some point Karin begins to knock at the door, and Suigetsu chooses that moment to break the kiss and nip at Sasuke’s sensitive neck, not enough to leave a mark but enough to make him gasp against Suigetsu’s soft hair. 

Finally, after what feels like forever, Suigetsu pulls away entirely and combs through his tousled hair, not that it changes his appearance in any way, kiss-swollen lips and glassy eyes. “Good host,” Sasuke murmurs appreciatively, for which Suigetsu flips him the bird. Said host opens the door, doesn’t even greet Karin and just goes back to the living room to collect the glasses Sasuke let himself drain in the meantime.

“I gotta go but– yeah, tomorrow, sure, I’ll call, it’s okay – but all of this is just so crazy, right? Yeah, good night. Thanks for replying in the first- yes, bye,” Karin ends the call and lays her phone down on the cupboard near the door. There’s a fifty percent chance that she’ll forget it on her way out. “You guys won’t believe who I was on the phone with,” she says, excited like a puppy. Sasuke casually tucks in his shirt and waits for her to elaborate. “I have a cousin! Who’s a model! Who follows me on Instagram!”

Suigetsu comes back from the kitchen carrying three drinks and sits down next to Sasuke with zero concern for a place for Karin. It’s kind of funny how the two of them are always bickering and teasing, but never outright at each other’s throats the way Sasuke and Itachi are. It’s refreshing. “That’s a lot to unpack. How do you know that you’re related?” 

“Long story short, I saw a couple of his shots in some promo material from that old fucker Jiraiya a couple of months back and paid it no mind, but I saw him in my recommendations on Instagram two days ago, so I lurked a bit. His name is Naruto Uzumaki, so _ duh _. And he’s been following me all along, and didn’t connect the dots, but I did. I called him tonight and we were on the phone for almost two hours. He’s a lot. Photogenic, obviously, he’s a model.” Karin sends Suigetsu a murderous stare for being banished from the couch and graciously sits down on the bean bag chair. “We’re, like, third cousins twice removed, but it’s still really cool. And weird, but mostly cool.” Sasuke knows how much it means to her, even if she kept her babbling down to a minimum, maybe in fear of Suigetsu mocking her. Not that anyone between the four of them – Juugo sadly absent because of work – had much of a great family to begin with. Sasuke is physically unable to stand being aroud Itachi without starting a fight, Karin and Suigetsu both cut their parents off at some point (which should have been a common thread but somehow didn’t bring them closer at all) and Juugo had been emancipated for years when Sasuke met him. It must be a big deal to her, since she didn’t even have a roommate, not to mention actual friends at work. Working for one of the world’s leading fashion companies had its perks, but since everyone was so competitive – there were always so many people who would want to be in your shoes, everyone always heard, including Sasuke – maintaining healthy relationships with your coworkers wasn’t one of them. 

Naruto Uzumaki. Sasuke makes a mental note to find out more about him for Karin’s sake and takes a sip of his third drink. Suigetsu’s arm brushing his thigh while reaching out for the TV remote snaps him out of his thoughts. “I said, do you mind if we put something on,” Suigetsu says. Repeats, probably. 

“What? No, do what you want. I’m tired.” Karin sighs, opens her mouth but decides not to speak. Sasuke doesn’t think he could handle her worrying over him right now; he grabs his phone from the table and goes to Suigetsu’s bedroom. Luckily, neither the host nor Karin comments or asks if he’s okay. Suddenly the entire evening feels like such an indulgence, Suigetsu’s kiss, Karin’s easy smile and the way Itachi looked at him when he turned away. It’s all too much. There’s only one person that Sasuke trusts when he’s like this, head spinning and heart beating. 

Juugo picks up the phone after four rings. There’s noise in the background, like he’s in a restaurant, but Sasuke knows that he’ll stick around for as long as he’s needed. “Tell me something,” he asks, itching for a cigarette. 

“They’re sending me away to photograph some exotic birds again, so you know what that means.”

Sasuke almost smiles. “Vaccine?”

“Vaccine.” Juugo, just like Karin and Suigetsu for some reason, really hates hospitals, medical procedures and needles. Whenever Juugo’s work as a National Geographic photographer sent him somewhere, Sasuke would go with him for all the necessary examinations and vaccinations. Despite how it sounds, they usually have fun after the bad part is over. Juugo just has his way of calming Sasuke down, he brings out a better version of him. Sasuke tries to be the same for him, to look Juugo in the eyes and see more than just an angry kid.

Sasuke fiddles with some loose threads on his shirt and tries to get Juugo to talk about his day. It works, it’s distracting enough that he’s no longer as miserable as he was getting in the living room. “Maybe I should go to sleep,” he says quietly. 

“That’s a good idea. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Sasuke ends the call instead of replying and opens the door quietly. He can see and hear Suigetsu and Karin arguing, the redhead gesticulating furiously, cheeks already flushed. She’s their only lightweight. _ I’m just saying that it’s really annoying how much you’re showing off about it and I really don’t wanna know how– No, it’s not because I- Will you just shut up? God, shut up! _

He walks back to the living room, sits down on the couch again and hugs his knees to his chest. Sasuke’s just not in the mood for being touched by anyone. His friends end their argument immediately when he’s back and he doesn’t ask. Juugo’s the peacemaker, not him. “Can I stay?”, Sasuke asks because he always asks. It’s just something he does because he gets that sometimes you just need to go to sleep alone and wake up alone. Suigetsu nods. 

“Take the couch, I don’t mind. I have a morning shift, though, so you might not see me tomorrow.” Morning shift. It’s already nearing one AM. Sasuke shrugs. 

Karin furrows her brows. “I have a meeting tomorrow, new collection and all. I mean it’s in three months, but you know how these are,” she adds, unsure. Like she hit a nerve, which she did. Of course Sasuke knows how the types of meetings that she mentions go, he took part in those for years. Back when he was a designer for the Uchiha, although a lot of his work happened behind the scenes, sometimes he was the one who pitched some design or another. Before his parents died and everything went to shit, Sasuke and Mikoto worked on collections together while Itachi and Fugaku took care of the business side of things. He loved it, the hum of sewing machines and the scratch of pencil on paper, how different materials felt under his hands and how he felt like his heart was soaring when his design made the final cut and a model actually wore it. Now Sasuke can’t bring himself to look at his sketchbook. He tried drawing once, in a brief moment of _ it’s not that bad, don’t worry about me, _but ended up tearing the sketch methodically, piece by piece by piece until he couldn’t even tape it together if he tried. Design had been his life for years and his parents’ deaths took it away, leaving only the disappointed look in Itachi’s eyes and the glowing red at the end of a cigarette. Sasuke feels tired down to his bones, the kind of heaviness sleep no longer holds at bay but still, he tries. He hardly registers Karin’s goodbye, Suigetsu locking the door behind her and the sound of the shower; Sasuke just falls asleep on the couch under a Spiderman blanket, head pulsing at the temples. Too much to drink again.

In the morning, Suigetsu’s alarm clock wakes him up, so they have coffee together in the kitchen. Sasuke checks his phone lazily, still in last night’s clothes but aiming to steal something of Suigetsu’s when he’s gone from work.

imessage, 6:49 am

Sasuke❤️: karin

Sasuke❤️: what’s your cousin’s instagram

8:33 am

karin: Ill link you his socials later


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which itachi steps up, sasuke drinks, naruto is hot and backstories are revealed! featuring: taka groupchat indulgence, sasuke uchiha cringe non functioning depression compilation and a mashup of at least 4 genres at once. trigger warning for mentions of disordered eating, brief discussion of minor character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw everybody. after 3 months and around 30k words of Not This in between, chapter 2 is done! funniest thing is i wrote all of this in basically 2 days. big love to my one and only tyler [@sasukenthusiast](https://sasukenthusiast.tumblr.com) who supported me, let me ramble and brainstormed team taka typing headcannons. if this rings like a groupchat fic to you in some places then i suggest that you simply start vibing with the concept. kudos to the reader, yes, _you_. enjoy!

Sasuke pulls into the driveway with a bitter taste in his mouth that has nothing to do with the coffee he’s had. Whenever he comes back home like this, too tired to argue anymore, there’s so much guilt inside of him that he almost apologizes to Itachi, almost asks _ what can I do to fix this, can’t we act like normal siblings _? Itachi is just too collected for Sasuke, too vague, unattainable. Still, he’s all Sasuke has, even if they never really talked about the accident or how Itachi never wanted to play with him when they were kids.

imessage, 8:58 am

Sasuke: are you home

Sasuke: are you free tonight

Sasuke: can we eat dinner together

Before he can mentally kick himself for the triple-texting, Sasuke locks his phone and digs around the car for the home keys. They’re wedged between the passenger seat and the door, which is kind of indicative of how much Sasuke cares about them. If not for Itachi’s paranoia, they’d have installed a door lock that doesn’t require keys. Something cool, like a retina or fingerprint scanner. Then again, all Sasuke did in terms of house-hunting after the accident was agree to move in with Itachi, who not only found the place, but also offered to cover the rent. Not that Sasuke couldn’t afford it easily, but his money has been left mostly untouched. Call it guilt or stubbornness. Itachi texts him back around midday, but Sasuke was napping at the time and missed it. He suggested they should eat takeout at home in the evening, so when Sasuke wakes up, he texts his brother a quick ‘whatever works for you’. It’s not like he’s that hungry anyway.

messenger, 4:38 pm

‘drinks on suigetsu’

baby shark: so i come back from work

baby shark: and see that SOMEBODY took my jacket

baby shark: not naming names but sasuke i will kill you 

snow white: Aren’t you used to it by now

baby shark: THIS WAS MY FAV JACKET GIVE IT BACK YOU CLOWN

baby shark set Sasuke’s name as CLOWN.

baby shark: @CLOWN

miss lotus position: Trouble in paradise?

baby shark: oh please do get me started karin. go ahead.

miss lotus position: You let it happen

baby shark: you think i have any influence over sasuke?

CLOWN sent a picture. 

CLOWN: so what if i took it. don’t i look good in it

baby shark: its going DOWN uchiha 

CLOWN: cry me a river

imessage, 5:03 pm

karin: Oh shit I forgot to send you narutos socials didnt I

Sasuke❤️: yeah

karin: His ig is n.uzumaki how original

Sasuke❤️: thanks

karin: And ramenboy10 is his personal

Sasuke❤️: thanks

Sasuke does _ not _ spend the next hour looking at Naruto’s pictures. Alright, maybe he does, but it’s purely an aesthetical obsession. He’s been surrounded by models all his life, most of them were his mother’s friends, all faces from magazines and billboards. It gets tiring after a while, all beautiful features. Constant perfection. Naruto isn’t perfect; there are so many freckles on his face that it’s hard to even count them, forming patterns on his cheeks that almost look like whiskers. He’s the type of photogenic that draws you in, but somehow he’s also different from anyone Sasuke has seen before. 

imessage, 6:24 pm

itachi: I’m almost home.

Sasuke: okay

Sasuke spaces out for some time again and Itachi unlocking the front door snaps him out of it. As always, his brother is perfect, not a single hair out of place and his shirt wrinkle-free despite his long day at work; he’s usually at the office before 8. If it’s to avoid Sasuke in the morning, hangover or coming home or just unwilling to interact, he hasn’t mentioned it yet. Still, he looks even more tired than last night with those deep shadows under his eyes that are now his permanent feature. The two bags of takeout he’s holding seem out of place for his usual cold demeanor, like an unfriendly reminder that Itachi isn’t, in fact, a statue but just human being. A more functional one, too.

“Had a good day? When did you get home?” Sasuke shrugs. A lot of their conversations go like this. 

Sasuke clears his throat. “In the morning. After breakfast, actually.” Coffee and half of a Kit Kat count as breakfast, right? “What did you get?”

Itachi smiles at him, or at least tries to. Smiles are not his strongest suit, unlike anything else in the universe. “Dim sum. There’s a new place near the office, maybe we could go one day.” _ When you’re working again _ hangs between them, unsaid but clear. Sasuke pushes back a bitter retort and lets himself enjoy dinner with his brother. Itachi is usually at home in the evening, Sasuke’s the outgoing one; these past few days, though, they’ve managed to avoid each other very well. Karin isn’t one to talk about work more than she has to, but Sasuke’s aware of what the Uchiha are up to, obviously. _ He’s _ an Uchiha, a part of the company even if he’s been about as good at working as staying sober or not being on his phone for more than four hours a day. The designs for this season just aren’t as good as they could be; Sasuke may not have actually been working on anything, but he’s been keeping track of the current trends and predictions, obviously. He just can’t bring himself to do anything about them.

Itachi puts a strand of hair behind his ear and sighs. “I know I’ve been- distant.” _ No shit _ , Sasuke bites back, _ for the last 23 years. _ “We are very different people and maybe we’ve been dealing with-” Sasuke grits his teeth and puts away his chopsticks before he accidentally snaps them in half “you know- we’ve been dealing with it differently.” That’s one way to put it. It’s a very Itachi way to say ‘at least _ I _ work through my grief’. “But I care about you, even if you don’t care about yourself. And it feels like you don’t, so- think about it.” Whatever the fuck _ that _ was supposed to mean. Sasuke liked him better when he was a distant asshole.

Sasuke wipes his mouth with a napkin and manages a small ‘I’ll think about it’. Suddenly he’s so tired it’s physically weighing him down, like he hasn’t slept the night before. Without much of a goodbye, he goes to his room and locks the door. When he wakes up in the morning (more like mid-afternoon) to an empty house and a handful of unread messages, he remembers the conversation he had with Itachi the night before. Maybe there’s some truth to his bullshit. 

messenger, 3:20 am

‘drinks on suigetsu’

snow white: Who up

baby shark: oh you know

snow white: Why

baby shark: i do not control the insomnia

6:16 am

miss lotus position: Good morning

snow white: Good morning

1:48 pm

CLOWN: gm

Karin calls him at four and the sound of her heels clacking in the background is familiar although aggravating, adding on to Sasuke’s dehydration-slash-exhaustion headache. “I’m going out for dinner with Naruto, wanna come along?”

“Why would I wanna do that?” Sasuke snaps out of bobbing his tea bag for... however long. 

“Last night he called me and he was like, _ this guy who’s in your photos a lot liked my photo from last year, what’s up with that? _ And when I tell you I _ screamed, _ Sasuke, I mean it. You’re so fucking stupid, if I didn’t love you I’d literally bully you about this forever- no, actually I _ will _ bully you about this forever.” Sasuke scoffs at her and sincerely hopes that she can feel the killing intent radiating off him through the phone. “So what time works for you? Is seven okay?” Sasuke checks the time and knows he’s not capable of coming up with a good enough excuse to get out of it. Also, maybe he would like to talk to Naruto in real life. Maybe he does.

After Karin hangs up Sasuke carefully considers the pile of clothes on his bedroom floor. None of that would work for sure. He spends another hour scrolling through Instagram pretending to look for outfit inspiration and looking at Naruto’s photos some more. Itachi texts him about his plans for tonight, which feels a lot like another stage of his pity project, but Sasuke pushes back his grim thoughts and texts his brother a simple _ going out wbu. _ Itachi doesn’t even read the message, or maybe he just has the _ read _ receipts off. Karin FaceTimes him to bully him some more and to help him dress, knowing her it’s also to make sure he actually gets ready instead of keeping her waiting for two hours before texting _ sorry something came up _ and turning off his phone for two days. Sasuke pulled that stunt _ once _and she’s gonna hold it against him forever, what a bitch. 

Karin answers some work emails as they talk and the clacking of her nails (short, but enough to bruise if they get into a drunk catfight, which does happen on some nights out) is equal parts annoying and hypnotizing. “Do I drive or take an Uber?”, Sasuke asks around a mouthful of toothpaste. 

“What are you, an abstinent? Take an Uber. Naruto thinks you have a crush on him, by the way,” she adds nonchalantly and Sasuke almost chokes to death in his own bathroom. “Juugo says it’s hilarious. Actually, jacket off. Take Sui’s jacket if you _ need _one, but you just look like you’re going to a concert to suck dick in a public bathroom.” 

“That is _ not _ correct and I’ve never done that.” _ Yet. _Sasuke hates his friends. “I’m hanging up, there’s some- I can’t hear you, I’m in a tunnel-”

Somehow with Sasuke’s rotten luck he always gets a talkative driver. Thank god the restaurant Karin chose isn’t far from his place. Karin kisses his cheek when they get out of their respective cars and ruffles his hair despite his protests. “Naruto will be here soon,” she announces proudly as they order their drinks. Sasuke slowly nurses his gin and tonic and Karin keeps stirring her margarita with a straw. “Have you been eating?”

Sasuke’s vague hand gesture says more than a thousand words. Karin clicks her tongue at him in annoyance. “You could say so. Itachi brought some food home yesterday.” 

“You’re on speaking terms? What’s your deal with him anyway?” 

Sasuke shrugs. “We’re just different.” _ We’ve been dealing with it differently, _Itachi’s voice echoes in his head. “I mean, we grew up together but it never felt like he cared, and then the- and then, you know. We hugged for a photo once, I think. But that’s it.” Sasuke hates how quiet his voice gets and Karin doesn’t comment on how he won’t meet her eyes. “No comfort.”

That earns him a frown from his friend. “You know he’s not a psychic, right? Like, if you want something from him you should tell him.” 

“Huh?”

Karin actually rolls his eyes at him. “You’re fucking unreal, Sasuke- _OH_, Naruto’s here!” Sasuke turns his head to look in the same direction as Karin and he’s glad he’s sitting and not standing right now. Naruto Uzumaki in the flesh is like when you walk outside in the middle of summer and the heat suddenly hits you everywhere at once and the sun is simultaneously blinding you because you forgot your sunglasses. He’s- Sasuke swallows nervously. He’s _hot. _

Naruto grins at Karin and rushes across the room to join them at their table. They both smile wide and hug, then Naruto looks at Sasuke and for a moment his eyes widen, but he collects himself almost immediately. “You must be Sasuke, yes? It’s great to finally meet you, my friend Neji walked in your show once!” He must be talking about Neji Hyuuga, who did indeed walk in Sasuke’s show once. Out of all the pieces in that collection it had to be _ his _that had been sewn incorrectly and the seam tore minutes before the show; Sasuke blamed it on Neji’s ass at the time and fixed the pants with the fastest ladder stitch in his life, but it was up there on the most stressful moments of his career. Still, the fast pace and nerves of the backstage never affected him the way it did others, because Sasuke lived and breathed those energetic moments of anticipation.

It was in such a setting that he received the news about the accident, though. It was a moment he’d never forget: that grave look in his assistant’s eyes that turned into a shitty mix of pity and unease when Sasuke started cursing his brother out in rapid-fire Japanese, _ shut up! It can’t be true, it can’t. They’re fine, they said they’d be here. They _ will _ be here. _At first he could only be mad, with the added stress of all the months of preparation for his show, how he didn’t spare his parents’ arrival a second thought, of course they’d be here. Accidents don’t happen to people like Mikoto and Fugaku Uchiha, except apparently they do and Sasuke had to pull himself together in three minutes or the best work of his life would go to waste. He hated Itachi so badly in that moment, with everyone’s eyes on him, shaking from anger and desperately holding back tears. His resolve lasted for the whole show, thanking the models and hair stylists and makeup artists and all, but he’s blacked out any and every memory of it. It was supposed to be the night of his life and in a fucked-up way it was, but not how he wanted it to be. Everything he spent so long preparing for was suddenly unimportant to him, he barely made it through the evening. He couldn’t stomach telling anyone what had happened, even though the media would be crawling all over it by the morning. Itachi didn’t call him back. Juugo picked up after the second ring and he sounded so cheerful, so happy for him that he couldn’t take it; he broke down on the phone, unable to get the words past his throat, like admitting it would only make things worse. When Juugo managed to calm him down enough to drive, Sasuke drove straight to Suigetsu’s apartment. His friends were all waiting there since they were supposed to meet up and celebrate Sasuke’s success anyway. At least Suigetsu had the decency to put the champagne away. The first days and then weeks went by in a flurry of alcohol and cigarettes, then the funeral, the house, the tattoo and somehow Sasuke hasn’t processed the accident at all. It just keeps hurting like it did the first day, every day, which is maybe why he still can’t look his brother in the eyes for long or work on any design. 

_ Fuck, _this is why he usually takes rounds of shots and blacks out in under two hours. Sasuke snaps out of his thoughts and nods at Naruto who won’t stop looking at him like he’s trying to figure him out. Sasuke clears his throat. “Sorry, it just brought back memories. Nice to meet you too.”

Naruto sits down next to Karin in a way that she’s sitting between them, but he keeps his eyes on Sasuke. “Memories? Oh, the- sorry, right, I-”

“No, it’s okay,” Sasuke grits his teeth and finishes his drink. 

For some time Karin and Naruto make small talk while Sasuke watches, which is fair considering he’s technically a plus-one to this cousin meetup. Up close Naruto is infuriatingly handsome with a galaxy of freckles, clear blue eyes and that infectious, bright smile. Karin and Naruto talk about people and events Sasuke has no idea about since he’s not an Uzumaki cousin, but this second-hand socializing is nice. He gets only slightly tipsy, but when he and Naruto brush hands while reaching for the same piece of sushi he can _ feel _ his cheeks getting red. Naruto won’t stop making eye contact with him even as he and Karin talk and the worst thing is that Sasuke doesn’t look away. He holds Naruto’s gaze for as long as he can to the point where it’s something of a challenge, and it turns out that they’re both down for challenges: who can handle more wasabi, stack the most sushi pieces on top of each other or use chopsticks with the other hand and not make a mess. They’re evenly matched. Karin rolls her eyes at their antics and her drinking pace matches everybody else’s for once: Naruto apparently has a great alcohol tolerance and Sasuke can’t afford to _ not _keep up with Naruto. He knows his hair is a mess by now with how many times he ran his hand through it, his cheeks must be burning but Sasuke feels alive. They must look like kids to the staff and Karin, but Sasuke’s attention is only on Naruto. At some point during the evening Karin excuses herself to the bathroom and giggles at how tipsy she is; she’s a lightweight and Sasuke’s head is already spinning, so he can’t picture himself in her shoes right now, especially knowing that she has work tomorrow. Being unemployed apparently includes perks such as this: there are no consequences for getting hammered in the middle of the week. It must’ve struck Karin in a moment of clarity in the bathroom too, because she orders a ride home soon after she comes back, although this time she sits down in a way that has Naruto and Sasuke’s shoulders pressing together. She might as well grow wings right now and Sasuke would probably still be looking at Naruto: now that the alcohol is kicking in he’s slightly flushed and even more expressive and vibrant than at first sight. They’re passionately arguing about double denim when Karin stands up, hugs Naruto goodbye, ruffles Sasuke’s hair knowing that he hates it and leaves, stumbling ever-so-slightly. Sasuke rolls his eyes at the money she left on the table, her part of the bill, and Naruto digs for his wallet in the pocket of his jacket. 

“I guess that’s our cue, too,” Naruto sighs after they footed the bill and Sasuke doesn’t miss how he said _ our. _He’s so into Naruto that he doesn’t want the night to end yet, plus it’s really early even for him. It’s not even nine yet. 

“I mean, there’s a bar, like, fifteen minutes from here,” Sasuke says quickly and reaches for his phone to look at Google Maps. “Yeah, I’ve been there once or twice, I think. If you aren’t tired yet we can-” he swallows nervously, “we can go there now.” Naruto gives him another bright smile and Sasuke knows he’s _ gone. _

The last time Sasuke went to that bar he was probably with his friends, tipsy from pregaming at someone’s place and angry at the world as always. This time he spends the ride engaged in conversation with Naruto, going so far as to put his hand on Naruto’s surprisingly warm thigh. Naruto doesn’t seem to mind as he leans in even closer to Sasuke who’s pretty sure he hasn’t felt this good since the accident. They keep changing the topic but neither seems to mind; the conversation flows seamlessly and Sasuke finds himself learning about most of Naruto’s life as they wait for their drinks. He started modeling around high school and it’s been his life ever since thanks to Jiraiya who’d discovered him at some casting he went to as a joke. Then it turned out that they were related on some level and that his contract was kinda shitty but he’d already signed it, much to his (adopted) dad Iruka’s frustration. 

“I barely made it through my senior year ‘cuz I kept leaving on those shitty low-paying gigs but Jiraiya kept saying that I’m not in a position to refuse anything, so- yeah. Best and worst years of my life at the same time. They pay you in clothes a lot, but I still had to, like, survive, so I was juggling part-time jobs, school, working out every day…” Naruto traces the rim of his glass and sighs. “It’s slightly better now after the few big shoots and I’m walking in some show in a month or something which I technically shouldn’t be even drinking before, fucking calories, but fuck it, I don’t meet up with a cousin every day. Also, you’re too hot, I can’t do this while sober.” Sasuke stares at him wide-eyed now, mouth suddenly dry. “What? I have eyes.”

Sasuke finishes his drink in record time and orders another one to avoid looking Naruto in the eyes after this. What’s he supposed to do, admit that he thinks Naruto’s really fucking hot too? Besides the hookups with Suigetsu (at first to make sure he’s gay, the answer being _yes_, then just to feel something, which worked 30% of the time), Sasuke hasn’t ever actually been into people. As a kid he didn’t have many friends, which only slightly changed in college, and the few people who by slim chance were into him were either in for the money or just unbelievably boring or annoying. Naruto seems to be neither of these things, on top of being irresistibly hot _and _funny. He listens to Sasuke, holds his liquor on a reasonable level and basically radiates warmth like some personal heater. 

“Sasuke?”

“Sorry, I was thinking again,” Sasuke huffs and carefully considers whether he’s approaching _ I am wasted _territory. (He kinda is.)

“Oh, yeah?”, Naruto grins. “Penny for your thoughts?” 

They’re jammed together as close as they can without falling off their stools and the subtle scent of Naruto’s cologne is driving Sasuke crazy; he’s memorized the pattern of Naruto’s freckles, the pitch of his voice, how it sends shivers down Sasuke’s spine. Naruto smiles when Sasuke’s hand finds his thigh again. “It’s nothing, actually. This right here is more interesting.” Naruto’s gasp, this close to Sasuke’s cheek, gives him goosebumps. 

“I’m inclined to agree.”

Sasuke stops himself from ordering another drink lest he slips into tired drunk mode, but before they get out of the bar Naruto excuses himself to the bathroom and Sasuke passes the time by checking his phone for the first time in hours, reading back on the groupchat and growing increasingly mortified.

messenger, 8:49 pm

‘drinks on suigetsu’

miss lotus position changed the groupchat name to ‘sasuke HATE club’

miss lotus position: I hate sasuke like actually

baby shark: [handshake emoji]

baby shark: whats up

miss lotus position: I invited his antisocial ass to mine and narutos cousin bonding sushi and what does he do? 

baby shark: i dont know karin. what does he do

miss lotus: He wont stop flirting with naruto

baby shark: YOURE KIDDING 

miss lotus position: I wish 

baby shark: @snow white COME HERE

baby shark: THIS IS SO FUNNY

baby shark: im gonna call sasuke uchiha a slur now

snow white: You should be happy for him

miss lotus position: Im going home to my pinot grigio. I hate gay people so much its unreal

9:50 pm

miss lotus position: This is still so funny to me 

miss lotus position: I cant believe him

baby shark: i know right

baby shark: didnt know he still had it in him

snow white: Sui you really aren’t one to speak on this matter

baby shark: shut uppppp oh my god

miss lotus position: Get his ass

10:33 pm

CLOWN: i hate you all

CLOWN: especially karin

CLOWN: and suigetsu

CLOWN: juugo you can stay 

snow white: :) 

baby shark: hello casanova

baby shark: r u home

CLOWN: not yet

CLOWN: busy

baby shark: busy hitting on karins cousin?

CLOWN: anyway.

CLOWN: guess whose jacket im wearing

baby shark: youre on thin ice uchiha

“Everything okay?”, Naruto asks, to which Sasuke responds by locking his phone, stuffing it in the pocket of Suigetsu’s jacket and fastening the zipper. Enough of his stupid and unsupportive friends. “Called a ride home yet?”

“No,” Sasuke admits and heat spreads in his cheeks not just from the alcohol but from how bold he feels. His heartbeat is rapid and he can feel it even in his fingertips when he reaches for Naruto’s hand and leads him out of the bar, into the cold night. They both know it’s gonna happen but it still feels like an electric shock when they kiss; Naruto grins when Sasuke ushers him into an alleyway and kisses him against the nearest wall. His hands find Sasuke’s hips and pull him closer and it’s not a surprise to either of them that they fit together perfectly. Kissing Naruto feels like every drink he’s had tonight and then some more, it makes Sasuke dizzy from how good it is. When Sasuke’s teeth drag over his neck (not to bruise, just to hear him gasp) Naruto’s grip is almost bruising. Sasuke doesn’t mind. They kiss like they’ve been doing this for years and not for the first time. The only downside to their current position is how they’re both getting cold, even pressed together like this. Sasuke’s whole body is slowly going numb, but he knows his priorities: Naruto and preferably nothing more.

Naruto breaks the kiss to fasten the buttons of his jacket. “Next time we go out let’s just stay inside, okay?”, he grins. Sasuke rolls his eyes and can’t resist kissing him again just because Naruto said _ next time _like it’s a plan already. 

They barely remembered to save each other’s phone numbers before getting in their respective taxis, but Naruto texts Sasuke right after he gets home and they talk until Sasuke knocks out on his bed, phone in hand, still fully dressed. It’s a regular occurrence; Itachi didn’t even bat an eye when Sasuke called him from the front door, having of course left the home keys in his room since Itachi was home when he was leaving. 

text message, 2:14 am

NARUTO: did you fall asleep lol

NARUTO: sleep well…

7:31 am

NARUTO: good morning

naruto: i’m off 2 the gym but i’ll reply when i can

9:46 am

sasuke: gm sorry i was so tired 

sasuke: im not hangover what a miracle

NARUTO: hi!!! how did you sleep

sasuke: i have a headache

NARUTO: are you dehydrated?

sasuke: oh yeah. i am

NARUTO: i have work now but we can talk later today

sasuke: sure

messenger, 9:51 am

‘sasuke HATE club’

CLOWN: gm

snow white: Gm! Remember we have plans today?

CLOWN: we do?

snow white: We do

CLOWN: when

snow white: 2 pm

CLOWN: alright

baby shark: wow without ME

CLOWN: not everything is about you

miss lotus position: ^

Sasuke’s afternoon with Juugo goes by so fast that he barely registers it, but it’s a lot of fun. He’s kind of still dissecting what happened last night, so that might explain why he’s out of it. Juugo ‘accidentally’ orders too much and emotionally manipulates- okay, _ asks _ Sasuke to take the leftovers and they almost end up at a bar but then Juugo, the only responsible adult in Sasuke’s friend group, implies that maybe alcohol isn’t the best idea when he’s just gotten vaccinated. Sad. Naruto texts him throughout the afternoon and then evening, which explains why Sasuke sits in his car for thirty minutes after parking it in the garage. 

imessage, 7:11 pm

itachi: Are you in the car?

Sasuke: maybe

itachi: Can we talk?

Sasuke sighs and gets out of the car, suddenly feeling like a child. It’s getting pathetic. Itachi is just standing in the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea, watching Sasuke carefully. Sasuke feels out of place under his gaze, like a kid who fucked something up but doesn’t even know what. 

“I’m not your enemy, you know,” Itachi starts, looking away. “I don’t understand you, but I don’t hate you.”

Sasuke swallows nervously, suddenly angry again. _ You don’t know me, of course you don’t understand. _“Listen, I- I’m tired, okay? I’ve had a long day, Itachi, I’m not in the mood for a fucking lecture-”

“This is not a lecture. I just want you to know that…” Itachi clutches the counter and pauses, expression unreadable. “It’s hard for me too, okay? It must be great to think you’re the only one hurting, but you’re not.” Sasuke’s grip on the bag of takeout tightens and he grits his teeth. His chest hurts. He keeps his eyes on the ground and waits for his brother to be done with him. “Are you gonna say anything?” 

He isn’t. Carefully avoiding his brother’s eyes Sasuke walks upstairs, puts the leftovers on his bed and lays down on his carpet, jacket and all. 

text message, 7:43 pm

sasuke: sorry i was uh. talking to my brother

NARUTO: no problem!!! what’s he like?

sasuke: my brother? 

NARUTO: yeah

sasuke: annoying

NARUTO: why?

sasuke: know-it-all

NARUTO: oh

NARUTO: i’m an only kid so i wouldn’t know but at least you have him, right? like, you’re both here

NARUTO: you know what i mean?

sasuke: its complicated. can we change the topic

NARUTO: sure

NARUTO: so about the show i’m doing

  
Sasuke stays up talking to Naruto for the second night in a row and as he wolfs down the leftovers at two in the morning he wonders what he’s getting himself into. Between whatever _ thing _ that Sasuke has with Naruto and Itachi’s attempts at communication via taking a sledgehammer to Sasuke’s sensitive topics, for the first time since the accident he feels the kind of restless that sketching new designs always shook off. Would it help him? He texts Naruto back for now, too tired to try.

**Author's Note:**

> ** kudos and comments keep writers motivated**
> 
> i have a tumblr! [@sasdyke](https://sasdyke.tumblr.com) so hit me up and lmk what you thought


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